Hi.
Okay so basically, this is why I post the things I post.

I post them because I have no where else to go, no one else to go to, and no other outlet. I write in journals because of this reason, too. My blog and journal don’t criticize me or judge me. However, I have noticed a trend here on my blog, because people read the jizz I post (which, you know, I don’t blame them because I put it here knowing people can read it). This makes me feel like I can no longer go to Tumblr to express my feels, because of these people.

And don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried going to some of my friends. I honestly have. But who do you think judges me? Who do you think tells me to stop writing such long weepy text posts, who do you think tells me to suck it up and stop being so pathetic? Yeah, so much for friends, right? And I try to disregard it and most of the time I do, I’m just using it as a supporting argument, okay. But see, I try to talk to them, and sometimes I do, but even with the littlest things, they can’t even help me, they don’t know what to do/say, they don’t understand, they’re rude and arrogant about it, they’re inconsiderate, or they don’t care. If I can’t even go to them about little things like that, then what makes you think I’m going to go to them for bigger things that are bothering me?

I suppose a blog cannot substitute for a person. I know. I know I need someone to go to. And it’s funny because the one person I thought I could go to, left. Then later told me that I seriously need to find someone to talk to as opposed to posting it all on Tumblr where people can read it and their feelings could get hurt and blahblahblah. It hurt because there was a time when I thought they were the person I could go to. They were the person I sought comfort from, and they should’ve known that it takes a whole freaking lot to accomplish that. And they just proved to me why I shouldn’t go to people. Because they leave. Most importantly, most of the time, people leave me for others. And now I don’t have that person anymore, and I don’t have anyone anymore, and so I post stuff here. Don’t you think I want someone to go to? Don’t you think I want a friend to confide things to? I would if I could but I tried and it was futile.

That’s also another thing. How I hurt their feelings? Yeah bud, thanks, I’m just the bad guy, right? I’m just the rude little girl who says what she wants and thinks she’s better than everyone because I’m just so innocent and perfect. Yeah. That’s definitely me. Yeah, people can just do whatever they want and I’m just supposed to feel nothing about it and not have feelings about it or express my feelings at all in the only outlet I have left. Of course. Silly me.

That’s exactly what I was saying before about being surrounded by such selfish people who don’t give two jizz about me. Because they don’t. They only think about themselves and people they care about. 

I just. I can’t even.

Okay.

But back to the topic here, I know there are some people who want me to go to them, some Internet peoples, and honestly, I would, but sometimes I need someone to hold me and sit with me in silence or just someone to rant to about pointless junk. I need that physical presence, you know? 

I’m just so frustrated. There’s so much more, but I’ve wasted your time already.

I’m just a regular teenaged child, basically.

It’s okay.

I’ll be okay.

I just need a hug from a friend A REAL friend
Cussing angry, guys.

Mostly at myself, but I’m just so frustrated.

Why do people have to bother with me, I swear.

Can’t I just live a life where I don’t talk to people and people don’t have to involve themselves with me?

I’m

I can’t even begin to explain how many contradictions I can come up with for that above statement.

I’m so

Freaking cuss.

Why am I so angry.

Why do I have to care about other people.

Why can’t I just live.

I’m so tired of thinking.

I don’t want to think anymore. 

I just want to feel.

And be.

SO MUCH FOR WATCHING WHAT I POST

Freaking Jesus.

What am I even doing.

Yeah.

Cuss you, too.

Sigh.

Okay.

So.

I thought about it.

I was just angry and overreacting.

I shall keep my blog public.

I’ll just watch what I post more carefully than I already do.

Still disgusted by all you ignorant fools.

Thank you to that anon that said nice things.

My smile is average, and if anything, less than average, but it warms my heart that you think otherwise.

I’m freaking angry.

Freaking people who read my post but don’t actually care.
I’m putting a password on my blog.
If you see this post, then I am telling you that the password is, “password”.
Everyone else can screw off.
My blog will be password protected as of 2012.12.05 12:00AM.
I’m just tired of people going on my blog.
This is my personal blog, people shouldn’t be creeping anyway.
I’m just mostly tired of those people who talk about my posts, especially my not so happy ones, and don’t even care. Disregard it.
Yeah, great friends you all are.

It’s kind of funny, you see.

This would happen, it was totally expected to me.

I said you’d leave, you’d find someone else.

You couldn’t have chosen someone who’s worse than myself.

Whatever, it happens, I guess. 

I don’t think of you any less.

I fall for words so easily,

yet those are the things that really hurt me.

sigh

And all of my obsessing, tell me what was it worth?
Guess I should have learned my lesson, I didn’t mean to make you hurt
Didn’t mean to make you hurt, hurt, hurt

What do you say when your heart’s not in it, your heart’s not in it?
What do you do when you just don’t get it, you just don’t get it?
Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit?
'Cause all I know, all I know is
You are my only one

(Source : Spotify)

All Time Low My Only One

There’s someone else, isn’t there.

Oh wait, of course there is.

There always is.

c'est la vie.